The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
