pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
