He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
