He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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