I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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