hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
