Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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