You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
