I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
