I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
