once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
