My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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