Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
