Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
