i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize