Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The power of my boobs compel you
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
