Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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