I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
