If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize