DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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