I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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