wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
