You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
