I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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