did you get engaged???
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
