I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
