it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
