I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize