Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
