and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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