Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
