no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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