I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
