Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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