omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
