I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
