Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
