omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
