worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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