they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
