He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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