Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
