That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
