He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
