that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
