But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
