So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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