i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
