it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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