I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
