I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
