I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
