He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
