make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
