and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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