I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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