Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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