Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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