how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
