White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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