No stitches, just platelets and will power
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
