we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
