we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
