After last night, I could never be a politician.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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