S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
