I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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