Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
A+ Viking dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
