ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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