that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just pee around me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
