Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
