I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
