The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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