Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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