this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
