So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
