is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's blow job season.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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