Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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