just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
