Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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