I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize