She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
