do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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