He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
