I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
