Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
