I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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