I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
