I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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