When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Say something about gay babies.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize