I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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