Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
