Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
