so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize