Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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