Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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