i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
